Sunday, January 18, 2004

Five Easy Steps to Illicitly Acquiring an ISIC Card for Fun and Profit

Step One:

Leave your moral scruples at the door. Justify your actions by telling yourself that train tickets are incredibly inflated. Anyway, you are just as poor as most students and VIA is a huge, faceless corporation that won't miss a few dollars here or there. This is a victimless crime. Proceed with confidence to step two.

Step Two:

Approach the VIA counter at Union Station (not during peak times), avoiding elderly and female attendants. Select a slightly balding man in his thirties or forties who gives off an air of disappointment with life and love. This man should be old enough to feel some paternal sensations when conversing with you, but he should still be young enough that the thought of having sex with you crosses his mind. Be sure to come in straight from the cold so your cheeks are gently flushed. Think - J. Crew Catalogue! Wear a bohemian-looking knitted hat and a toss a scarf jauntily about your neck. Apply lip gloss at this crucial stage.

Step Three:

Sweetly (but not TOO sweetly. We don't want to sound suspicious or attract any attention, do we?) ask, "Hi, can I get an ISIC card?" He will say "Yes".

Step Four:

Hand over $16 and an ever-so-slightly weathered Queen's Student Card (weathered enough that the dates on the validation sticker have completely rubbed off, but not so weathered that the card appears old). Fill out the application form with a friend's address (thanks, Carolyn!), your old phone number, and your qlink email address, whether or not it is still active. Proceed to final step.

Step Five:

On the line where it says, "I validate that all of the information above is true and accurate" grit your teeth slightly. Revisit Step One, if need be. Sign your name. Exhale.

Step Six (optional):


(Now playing: "Debaser", The Pixies)


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