Wednesday, December 01, 2004

The Good Folks at Visa are Extremely Concerned About My Personal Well-Being

Me: Hi, I'd like to activate my new credit card.
Visa: Of course. (Gets my vitals). While we're waiting for authorization, I'd like to take this opportunity to make you aware of an amazing program that we're offering.
Me: Mmhmm.
Visa: A great deal of people have already taken advantage of it.
Me: Mmhmm. (twiddling thumbs, awaiting authorization so I don't have to deal with her lame pitch anymore. I used to do this shit myself, so I know how scripted and awful it is.)
Visa: Blah blah blah, in case of a personal medical emergency, such as a stroke, cancer, heart-attack.
Me: (laughing) Uh...I don't think I'll be needing this. I'm 24.
Visa: Well, you never know. These things happen. Let's say you got diagnosed with cancer..
Me: Thank you, but I'm happy with my Visa as is.
Visa: And I have no doubt about that, but personal tragedies can strike people at any age. Strokes...heart-attacks...
Me: (not even attempting to be polite, at this point) OK, you know what? I'm not at all interested. Thank you.
Visa: (sighs) Well, all right. (tsks, ominous) Things happen.
Me: Has my authorization gone through yet, please?
Visa: One moment. (Hold) All right then, Ms. Pepapmarroh. Your Visa is now active.
Me: Thank you. Bye.
Visa: Thank you for choosing Visa. We appreciate your patronage and sincerely hope...
Me: *click*

(Now playing: "You Just Haven't Earned it Yet, Baby", The Smiths)


Blogger I am the lizard queen said...

Watch out! I think the Visa lady is going to poison you or give you cancer for ruining her up-sell conversion rate.

Customer service people are tenacious. When I cancelled my cell phone with Fido I had to argue with them about it for 15 minutes and they pratically offered me their first born to stay with them. I eventually told them that my old phone was at the bottom of a river, that I had signed a contract with their competitors and could they please just cancel my damn account already?

If you know anyone who wants a brand new cell phone from Fido for free and $30 in credit, lemme know.

3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, Fido is especially EVIL. It took my 3 people, one supervisor and the supervisor's manager, to cancel my Fido. Which was a Vancouver phone number. And I was living in Montreal. The plan I used (City Fido) wasn't offered in Montreal, and their "next best plans" were much more money for far fewer minutes. No way. I was also offered someone first born baby, as well as another's left arm, and someone else's sould, if I'd stick with them... After all, City Fido would be in Mtl "soon". When? They didn't know but they assured me it would be "soon." I cancelled. For the record, it's 5 months later and City Fido just got here, and is more expensive than what I was paying in Vancouver. Asswipes.


10:52 PM  

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