Friday, October 29, 2004

Georgia on my Mind

Dilemma: I want to see the world. Europe, South America, Australia, all of it. But after this past weekend, I am never flying again.

My "airplane" to Atlanta was a 60-seater Delta Com Air. It was essentially a glorified schoolbus with wings, except schoobuses have much higher ceilings and wider aisles and cushier seats. TINY! (I was sitting in the aisle seat and when I crossed my legs, I hit the guy across the aisle from me. Oops.) Anyone remember that SNL (or maybe SCTV) skit where they board the sketchiest plane on the planet, and their seatbelts consist of old frayed rope? This wasn't that far off. I broke into a cold sweat every time we hit turbulence, and made my peace with God and my life at least a dozen times.

Until technology improves and I can instantly beam myself places, I am staying the fuck put, thank you.

I was mostly underwhelmed by Atlanta's ugliness, pollution and filth (I saw a vagrant smoking crack! USA! USA!), but Janki & Amit's wedding was beautiful and a lot of fun.

I have pictures!

This is Julie and Janki at the Mehndi party. It's a Hindu tradition that women decorate their palms with intricate henna designs before the wedding. (My "plane" was delayed about an hour, so unfortunately I missed this part.) The bride's mehndi has the name of the groom hidden in it several times, and on their wedding night he has to find the names on her palms before they can get their consummation on.

Alison and I at IHOP. The bacon, she was greasy. My arteries will never be the same.

We took a tour of CNN HQ. I haven't really been keen about broadcast journalism since starting my program, but when I saw the newsroom, I could have jizzed myself. It was amazing. I was starry-eyed the entire tour and suddenly acquired the desire to go into television. Teevee is neat.

Here we are, standing outside of Coca-Cola HQ.

I am drinking an Orange Julius.

Underneath my clothes, I am likely wearing GAP underwear produced in sweatshops where 18-month-old infants with no arms work 29 hours per day sewing using their scraggly milk teeth.

I feel dirty.

I want a Hindu wedding. Everything was so insanely pretty.

The mister and missus.

Highschool all gussied up at the reception. The caterer (not pictured) and I became fast friends. He helped me avoid anaphylactic death. And introduced me to paneer, which is basically chunks of delicious cheese in a spicy/buttery sauce. Holy fucking shit! Indian people are so smart!

Look at this picture. Now shake your head really quickly from side to side until your vision goes blurry and your head hurts a bit. You now have a good idea of how the rest of the night went for me.

Thank-you to the bride and groom for having us. It was an unforgettable weekend (except for the reception, which I am already having difficulty remembering).

(Now playing: "Love Buzz", Nirvana - Peel Session)


Blogger Peter Lynn said...

Paying tribute to the great departed deejay, are you? Surprised you're not doing it with a Smiths song, but on the other hand, it would be the obvious Sofi thing to do, and I'm happy to be thrown a curveball.

Oh, and also: Don't be too impressed with broadcast journalism, particularly CNN. Unless you want to be a hack like that stupid-bowtie-wearing, deer-driving-into, getting-smacked-down-by-Jon-Stewart, Richie-Rich-resembling pissant Tucker Carlson.

12:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you'd look cute in a bowtie, Sof. I once saw bums drinking Listerine in Ottawa, but that's not nearly as cool as cracked-out vagrants (which pretty much run the end of Bloor where I live). Viva las tank-tops in October!


12:00 PM  
Blogger I am the lizard queen said...

Say what you will about the Ottawa listerine-swilling vagrants (you must have been on Elgin St., home of the empty listerine bottle graveyard), but they have much fresher breath than your average vagrant. Hey, does listerine have the sort of alcohol in it that makes you go blind? If not, why am I paying so much more for vodka?

10:58 PM  

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