Going Japanese

Seth is visiting Canada for two weeks. He moved to Japan shortly after university and seems to be doing a bit of all right there. Now, if I had my way, everyone I know would live in Toronto, but it's cool when friends go abroad because that often means getting bizarre presents.



The best thing Seth brought me were these little plastic action figures that you have to assemble, called Otokonotashinami. From what I understand, the dudes in the yellow tights are sort of like superheroes who preach morality and politesse.



Mine is the one on the bottom right. Seth explained that it's supposed to show how it's not polite to stare at a lady's behind while taking public transportation. Apparently, leering/groping on subway cars has become rather prevalent in Tokyo. Notice how both the superhero and the Japanese businessman are respectably averting their gaze as the woman stands up. (Also worth noting: they seem to be pressing their briefcases rather forcibly against their own groins. Hmmm.)

So amused was I by this toy that I decided to check out the Otokonotashinami website. Of course, I couldn't understand one fucking word of it. But that didn't stop me from coming up with my own interpretations of each scenario:



When you make a career out of leering at the fine young asses of female interns, be sure to purchase pants one size larger than is required so as to not blatantly showcase your icky and bizarrely-angled penis during inevitable erections.



When you and your friend splurge on an obese tranny hooker, it's not polite to get intimate with said hooker while your buddy is still in the can. Be a pal and wait. Besides, sharing is fun!



Women are delicate flowers. If you would like to make love to a most beautiful lady, here are the steps you should take:
1) Tell her how pretty her eyes are in the candlelight.
2) Splurge on a nice half-litre of mid-priced red wine during dinner.
3) Order a platter of food that includes items shaped like phalluses...'cause that will make her think about humping!
4) Try not to let it slip that you've already fucked her sister.



After marrying the love of your life, it's not the best idea to awaken her the morning after the wedding while dressed like Uncle Sam. It's an even worse idea to get your friend to show up with a microphone and interview you like you're actually Uncle Sam. Pointing at her a lot and shouting "WE WANT YOU!" at the top of your lungs is also a bit of a bad plan.

(Now playing: "My Way Of Giving", Small Faces)