Friday, April 28, 2006

Signed, Sealed, Delivered ***Now with update!***

Anyone remember Donald Sobol's Two Minute Mysteries?

I'm trying to solve one of my own!

Yesterday, I received a mysterious package in the mail. There was no return address.

This is what was inside the package:

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A Macedonian newspaper!!!!!

There was no note inside, so I'm trying to figure out who sent me this hilarious and bizarre gift.

I immediately deduced that:

1) The sender must be a close enough friend to have my mailing address,
2) The sender must be familiar with my nationality AND
3) The sender must have an offbeat sense of humour.

This didn't narrow it down much, UNTIL

4) The sender must have a bit of free time on their hands.

Shortlist of suspects:

Mike
Lukas
Ben
Lindsay W
Lindsay L
Matt
Valerie
Hilary
Liz W
Allison
Daphna

However, the envelope the newspaper was inserted in looked like it came from some sort of office, which led me to conclude that

5) The sender has access to an office or works in an office where such supplies are free and plentiful.

That narrowed it down to

Lukas
Lindsay L
Lindsay W
Matt
Allison
Daphna

6) The pensmanship on the envelope was beyond reproach. Meaning it could only be

Lindsay L
Allison
Daphna

7) However, the lovely Daphna mailed me something just the other week. I compared the writing samples. NO MATCH! Leaving me with

Lindsay L
Allison

8) It was at this point that I remembered Allison casually mentioning that she recently mailed Valerie some anonymous newspaper clippings about Queen Elizabeth.

THEREFORE, ALLISON IS MORE-THAN-LIKELY THE ANONYMOUS MACEDONIAN NEWSPAPER CULPRIT!

Mystery solved!

...or is it?

(Now playing: "Baby Boy", Crystal Skulls)


***UPDAAAATE!!!***

Valerie says:
I thought you had narrowed it down to not-me!

Sofi says:
Allison says it was not her.

Sofi says:
And Ben told me that he had, in fact, TOUCHED said newspaper.

Valerie says:
What!!

Valerie says:
WHAT!?!

Valerie says:
Oh how DARE he!

Sofi says:
Cat's out of the bag!

Valerie says:
Dang!

Sofi says:
THANK YOU VALERIE!

Sofi says:
It made me laugh SO. HARD.

Valerie says:
A possibly crazy person gave it to me. Did Ben tell you the story?

Sofi says:
I know nothing. Tell!

Valerie says:
Well it was the day after the party. Ben and I were on the subway to Victoria Park to my aunt's for Easter.

Valerie says:
We were talking and laughing about the party, especially all the Macedonian connections.

Valerie says:
ESPECIALLY the "Macedonian riots of '94"

Sofi says:
Bwah.

Valerie says:
Anyway as we got off, a scruffy guy came up to us and handed me that paper and said, "I heard you talking about Macedonia".

Sofi says:
He just happened to HAVE it?

Valerie says:
Yeah, he was carrying flowers and had just come from SERVICE.

Sofi says:
Church service or the ARMY?

Valerie says:
So of course Ben and I were like, "But Easter's not till next weekend!"

Valerie says:
And he was like, wow, you know!

Sofi says:
Well, you pretty much are Macedonian.

Valerie says:
I know.

6 Comments:

Anonymous optimus said...

hey now! what are you saying about my handwriting?

2:41 PM  
Anonymous benjamin said...

Moishe Pumpkin is disappointed that he didn't make the short list.

Also, he wanted me to tell you that he hopes that you like the newspaper.

PS: "meow!"

9:48 PM  
Blogger Sofi said...

Cats don't generally make any of my shortlists for any reason.

If you make a MySpace page for Moishe, I am personally travelling to Montreal and smacking you upside the head.

11:35 AM  
Anonymous Matt said...

You were right in assuming that it wasn't me, but I can't believe I made it all the way to the handwriting. How did I pass the "has too much time on his hands" section?

By the way, the latest in a series of Blogger verification words that sound like birth control is apparently "ovrfex".

9:15 AM  
Blogger Sofi said...

Sending me lots of bored-at-work emails tipped me off that you might have a few minutes to spare.

HOW'S YOUR NEW PLACE? EMAIL ME NOW!!!

(Side effects for ovrfex may include mood swings, irritability, bloating, depression and nausea. Please consult your physician if these persist.)

9:42 AM  
Blogger Sofi said...

ALLISON SAYS IT WASN'T HER!!!

The plot thickens...

7:41 PM  

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