Let's Call a Spade a Spade

My fitness resolution is off to a good start!

This morning. 6AM.

Alarm clock: Meep. Meep. Meep. Meep. Meep.

Me: Mmnnnfffflluuhhgahhhbaah! Snoooooooze buttonnnn!

Oddly familiar nasal voice: Don't touch that dial, fatty!

Me: Hey!

Oddly familiar nasal voice: Hey? Don't you mean "oink"?

Me: ...David Spade?

My Inner David Spade: You were expecting Farley? Let's go.

Me: I'm tiiiiiired!

My Inner David Spade: Now I know you want to lie there and keep being not slim, but we gotta work out a little today.

Me: But it's dark out and so collllld!

My Inner David Spade: Wah wah wah. Do you want some cheese to go with that whine?

Me: Mmm...cheese.

My Inner David Spade: Ugh, I can actually HEAR you getting fatter.

Me: Please go away.

My Inner David Spade: Up! Up! Hop to it, Crisco-for-thighs!

Me: I hate you, Inner David Spade!

I wonder if the real David Spade is available to bark motivational insults at me from the foot of my bed. Maybe I'll get in touch with his agent...


My personal health and fitness guru

(Now playing: Rocky and Dee on CIUT)