Television

Two Canadian Gameshow Announcers Meet On The Street

-Hi Bob, how are you?

-Just fine, Bill! But I see you've put on a little weight, ever since you got your brand new McDonald's coupons!

-Available at McDonald's franchises across Canada! But I've seen you cruising down the street- in your brand new coat!

-Yes! It's a beautiful down-filled coat from Sears, Bill! Good against all the ravages of the winter weather! But again, that is nothing compared to where you're going...

-Beautiful downtown Hamilton! I'll be spending seven days and two sensuous nights at the beautiful Hamilton Motor Inn, overlooking absolutely nothing!

-Corky And The Juice Pigs

***

This blog is a little late in coming. I've been super busy with weddings, birthdays and lovely out-of-town visitors (hello!).

On Wednesday night, I took part in a Canadian gameshow. Specifically, a taping of The Comedy Network's pop culture show, You Bet Your Ass. Making things very interesting indeed was the fact that I was pitted against a Queen's friendquaintance: former Common Ground barrista, charismatic stand-up comic and homosexual force of nature, Andrew Johnston.

Here we are on set before the taping began. (This photo was doctored by Andrew, which is why the ME label is on Andrew and not actually on ME.)



(The make-up palette used on me is going to be huge next season, by the by. It's called "A Crackwhore in Earthtones". Watch for it at a Shopper's Drug Mart near you!)

Anyway, Andrew and I tried to keep our friendship on the DL, all the while throwing cartoonish gape-mouthed winks at each other when no one was looking. Not that our knowing each other mattered much, anyway. We were still very much intent on kicking each other's asses.

I'm not going to tell you who won. You'll have to tune into the show for that (or, uh, just go read Andrew's myspace blog.) But let me just say that I really wish I had a) paid more attention to co-workers/dorky boys I have dated whenever they waxed enthusiastic about video game consoles and b) studied up on the more obscure points of Johnny Carson's life and investments. Cough.

I'm fairly certain that YBYA is still on the prowl for some peppy, pop-cultured contestants. You can win up to $2500, which isn't too bad for a Canadian gameshow. Drop me a line if you're interested in being a contestant and I'll hook y'all up propah.

(Now playing: "Teenland", The Northern Pikes)

Bonne fête à moi!!!

My setlist (to the best of my jumbled recollection):

L’Appareil A Sous – Brigitte Bardot
Chante – Ronnie Bird
Shu Ba Du Ba Loo Ba – Serge Gainsbourg
Champs D’Elysees – Christine Pilzer
Je Cherche – The Gruesomes
Girl – Les Sequelles
La Junglomanie – Les Lutins
Ils Sont Si Gentils – Op’4
Monsieur Le Son – Les Sequelles
Ostrogoth-A-Go-Go – Les Breastfeeders
Rouge Rouge – Christine Laume
Sur Une Nappe De Restaurant – Jacques Dutronc
Cocktail Monotone – Les Sequelles
L’Amour Entre Animaux – Comme Un Homme Libre
Moi Je Joue – Brigitte Bardot


Me and the 'mos.


Anji, Lynchy, Alli, Garry and Joni Mitchell Christine.


Contrary to popular belief, Guelph, Scarborough and Mount Pleasant, Michigan are the party capitals of North America.


2006 Lindsay does her very best impression of 2001 Lindsay.


The birthday girl takes the reigns.


Levels? Check. Bangs? Check.


I did my entire set with my eyes closed! They wouldn't let me tie one hand behind my back, though. They were all, "Pffft...showoff."


I'm not convinced that Marie and Phil aren't in 100% tru luv 4-eva!


If you think these fuckers are handsome, you should see their dad!


We have no idea who those dudes are.


I asked Tony and Gloria to do their best impression of Asian stereotypes. The resulting glory happens to be my most favourite picture of all time.


I know a place...

Thanks, everyone! 26 has been swell so far!

(Now playing: "I Know A Place", Petula Clark)

Photos by: Allison, Erin, Gloria, Garry and Lynchy!

You Bet Your Live Studio Audience!

Hello, Bee's Knees reader!

Please take this fun quiz!

Do you like:

1) Sofi?
2) Canadian game shows?
3) Free nachos and maybe even free beer?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, live in Toronto and are free for a couple of hours this Wednesday evening (6:30PM on), you should email me right now. I have an interesting proposition for you.

(Now playing: “Maybe The People Would Be The Times Or Between Clark And Hilldale”, Love)

We're Hotter Than Rock 'n' Roll

Someone's birthday is coming up in the next few days!

This someone is definitely a someone that you know!

This someone is cool!

This someone is funny!

This someone is charming and undeniably talented!

This someone is also cute as a button!

Who is this someone, you ask?

Oh, come on! It's pretty freaking obvious.

Please join me in wishing a very happy birthday to:

DAVID HASSELHOFF!!!

Happy 54th birthday, you hunky manstallion you!



As a testament to his immense talents, you should all read a few reviews from Amazon.com. Hell, one thousand customers can't be wrong!

Also, I am sort of perplexed that this video never gets any airplay:



(Now playing: "Awesome", Veruca Salt...praise be to C-Mac, who was the catalyst in my rediscovery of this fab song. Download it now. Goodbye, 25...It's a fine place to be.)

Shine On

Real Cool Timechange

"Real Cool Time", my most favourite radio programme ever, is moving to a realer and cooler timeslot.

Please tune into Real Cool Time:

Tuesdays
6PM
CIUT
89.5 FM
www.ciut.fm

Hosts Rocky and Deena have remarkably similar musical tastes to my own. They tend to play my favourite songs before I even know that they're my favourite songs. Truly, amazing stuff.

Have a listen to Real Cool Time. And support public radio!

Rah rah, sis boom bah!

(Now playing: "Point Of View", The Stitch In Tyme)

I'm With The Band (Unless They're Beardy)

Things were a little slow at work today, so I made a mostly chronological list of all of the bands/musicians that I've ever interviewed. They are:

The Flashing Lights
Sloan
The Constantines
The Meligrove Band
The Orange Alabaster Mushroom
By Divine Right
The Smugglers
Ashley MacIsaac
The Stills
Metric
Matt Barber
Jill Barber
The Tijuana Bibles
Collective Soul
Cuff The Duke
Measha Brueggergosman

And The Bicycles next week.

There have been more, but that's most of the better-known ones. Some of them I've interviewed several times, which is probably why I feel like such a grizzled veteran.

Inititally, I forgot about interviewing the Constantines. That's probably because I was impressively drunk that particular night. We are talking about epic drinking here. The interview happened in Kingston when I was maybe 20, about a year before they exploded. I remember very little about the interview itself (although I must have it on tape somewhere). What I do remember is making sex eyes at Bry while Dallas made sex eyes at me. Afterwards, Dallas followed me around the EngSoc lounge like a puppy. While flattered (and, to re-iterate, fantastically drunk), I dodged his advances.

WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DID YOU DO THAT, you ask?

Dallas had a beard (the facial hair kind. Not the Katie Holmes kind.)

Anyone who knows me knows that I generally find beards repulsive. His face was furry and his lips looked hot dog pink and I was just not attracted. At all.

Some time later, I saw Joel McConvey interviewing the Cons on Studio Q. And guess who was clean shaven? Right. And guess who was shockingly beautiful under his beard (not to mention chin-dimpled)? Riiiiiight.

This photo doesn't really do him justice, but mark my words: Dallas is the pretty. And his name is DALLAS, for crying out loud! We could have named our children Houston and...I don't know...Tucson or something.



Woe is me!

It's probably for the best that nothing happened, since I started vomiting maybe 30 seconds after I got home that night...and didn't stop for hours.

Similarly, a Constantine who will remain nameless (not Dallas) totally threw up all over Matt's bathroom that very same night, but you'll have to get that story from him.

Years later, whenever I see the Constantines play live, I throw aggressive fuck-me eyes at Dallas in the hopes that he'll recognize me as the one that got away.

Alas, that ship has sailed.

So ends storytime with Aunty Sofi. Night night.

(Now playing: "Sloop John B", The Beach Boys)

Independence Day

This is sort of a weird thing to air in public, but my reasoning is very practical: I know that 90% of my friends and acquaintances read my blog, so this is just my way of avoiding questions and awkward conversations in the future.

Mike and I are no longer dating. This was a mutual decision and it was made amicably.

We're going to try out the whole friendship thing and see if that flies. I have a feeling we'll work better as friends than we did as a couple.

That's it.

Comments = disabled.

Nice emails = encouraged.

(Now playing: "Nowhere With You", Joel Plaskett)

Canada Day In Quotes

Mom: Is this Rush playing on the radio right now?
Me (mildly impressed): Yes! Yes it is.
Mom: Hmmm...I didn't know their singer was a girl.
Me: ..............

"He acts young, but not in an unattractive way. (Pauses). He's not a mess at all." - Adam, on his 37-year-old boyfriend

Drunk on porch steps at party: Heyyyy, where are you gooooooinggg?
Me: Home.
Another drunk: But it's so eaaaaaaaarly! Whyyyy are you leaaaaaaavinnnng?
Me: Because I live in Scarborough.
All chattering stops abruptly. Hushed silence is broken by...
First drunk: ...oh shhhhhhhiiiiiiiit!
Me: For real.

(Now playing: "Nature Boy", Nick Cave)