Sunday, October 30, 2005

Great Big Party Of One (Hundred)

After three solid weeks of being a shut-in, I finally emerged in order to celebrate (and partially DJ) the combined birthday party of two great friends at The Boat.

Party of the century!

Some highlights:
  • Seeing lots of wonderful people who I haven't seen in a while.
  • Pitting The Meligrove Band against The Meligrove Band! ("I think The Meligrove Band won," Darcy wisely observed afterwards. "Oh, no contest," I replied.)
  • Mr. Peter Elkas rocking air guitar while I played "Stomp Your British Knights Down".
  • Observing the birthday girl and birthday boy being all happy and smiley and dancey throughout the evening. Feeling immense love for the both of them. Aww.
  • Using a very supportive friend as my Human Boobshield whenever I had to push through the crowd to use the washroom.
  • Chris Murphy of Sloan joining Pete for a rendition of "Roll Over Beethoven" (see hilarious photographic evidence, below). The jaded indie kid in me pretended to be unimpressed...but my inner 15-year-old won over.

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Happy 25th birthdays, Lindsay and Josh!

(Now playing: "The Party Rages On", Zumpano)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

My Breast Intentions

I sometimes name things to make them less scary/intimidating.

When my friends Jenny, Meghann, Sera and Kelly all got together and bought me My First Vibrator (a Rabbit Pearl, a la Sex and the City) several years ago, I was scared of it. It sat around for a few days before I gathered the courage to give it a go. But first...I named it. I named it because, even though it was pink and squishy and hilarious-looking, it freaked me out a little. So I gave it the least threatening name I could possibly think of: Little Bunny Foo Foo.

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With the help of some vanilla candles and David Bowie records, LBFF and I became fast friends!

Which brings me to another topic that is also intensely personal and should not really be blogged about. That being my recently-reduced breasts. They will one day be lovely. Currently, they are angry with me. They itch. They ache. They ooze. They bleed. They are still a mite swollen. I hate looking at them/handling them at this point.

But look at them I must. Handle them I must.

So, not unlike that trashy woman in the film Uncle Buck, I have named my new-and-improved breasts.

The left one, I call Itchy McWonkynip.

The right one, Oozy "The Destroyer" Fondlington.

Together, they are known as The Frankenboobs.

We will be friends.



I hope.

(Now playing: "Scarlet Lady", Honeybus)

Friday, October 21, 2005

You Better (Not) Shop Around

Pathetic-funny story for the day:

  • I am recovering from surgery.
  • I have left the house exactly thrice in the past 2+ weeks.
  • I have been going really fucking stir-crazy.
In an attempt to curb my ennui (and to make me feel like a part of the outside world), I have been doing a little bit of online shopping.

Scratch that. A great deal of online shopping.

I've been ordering CDs, lip gloss, skirts, more CDs, sweaters (new boobs = new clothes!), yet more CDs, etc. I know it's kind of a dangerous habit, but it's been super fun. I have enjoyed this vicarious mall-trolling a lot.

Today, I got an email informing me that my VISA card has been frozen.

Apparently, the nice people at VISA noted the flurry of charges on my account and temporarily de-activated it due to "suspicious activity".

Of course, I called them right away.

VISA: Would it be all right with you if we went over some of the recent charges on your credit card together?
Sofi: Yes, that's fine.
VISA: $115 at Amazon?
Sofi: Yes.
VISA: $17.50 at Bombshell Bath?
Sofi: Sounds familiar, yeah.
VISA: $170 at Delia's?
Sofi: Yup.
VISA: Yet another $87 at Amazon?
Sofi: ...yes.

This went on for a while.

So that was a bit of an eye-opener. Fortunately, I'm back at work next week. That will leave me with much less time to be a crazed consumer.

Check out this sweater I will soon own! How adorable is this sweater?

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I regret nothing.

(Now playing: "Exile", The Pebbles)

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

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The good news: I can already breathe easier, my posture is improving, my lower back has stopped aching, I will be able to exercise with just one sports bra, I will be able to sleep in any position I so choose, sex with a bra will become a distant memory, button-down shirts will actually fit, yawning will no longer be so difficult, pretty lacy bras will replace full-support granny bras and I can finally stop being so fucking self-conscious about my breasts.

The bad news: I will probably never be selected as a model for Beautiful Big Busted Amateurs. Well, shoot.

I'm feeling a lot better these days (aside from some oozing), but that should let up soon). The road to new-and-improved boobs was not as smooth as I had hoped, but I think it will all be very worth it in the end.

I've been reading online support forums for women who have undergone breast reductions. This has usually been pretty helpful and reassuring. It's good to know that many others have gone through the same experience and have had the same issues/pain/worries/complications that I've been dealing with on a daily basis.

Here's the thing, though. People who troll online forums are sometimes a Not necessarily crazy, but there are certainly a lot of weirdo neurotics who type "lol" a lot and crochet capelets for their cats.

On one forum, they use acronyms like BR (Breast Reduction) and BL (Breast Lift) and PS (Plastic Surgeon). Fine. But one acronym that popped up again and again was OTR. As in "I went OTR three weeks ago and..." At first I thought this meant Off The Record, but that made absolutely no sense. Onto The Reduction? Only Three Racists? Anyway, upon further reading I discovered that OTR means Over The Rainbow. Many of these women referred to getting their breast reduction as "going over the rainbow". As in, there's a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby.

Ummmmmmm. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.

Interesting fact: A google seach on Judy Garland's breasts has informed me that hers were tightly bound during the filming of "The Wizard of Oz" in order to make her portrayal of a little girl more believable. So maybe that crazy OTR crap does make some sense, after all.

On a completely unrelated note, this scares the unholy shit out of me.

(Now playing: "Rose Colored Glasses", The Baroques)

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Je De-De-De-Danse Dans Ma Tete*

We interrupt this period of convalescence with a very special announcement:

This Saturday night, you should be at Zoi Zoi (pronounced zoyzoy).

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My favourite Montreal import, Mimi La Twisteuse (along with Club Par Avion's DJ Soju,) will be playing tons of awesome French pop from the '60s and beyond! It's going to be a superfantastique Francophone dance party! Oh la la! Tres excitant!

Of course....I'm on the mend. I can't be there. But that shouldn't stop you.

Allez-vous! Allez-vous! Help make it a huge success so it will return on a monthly basis and so I can get my francofreak on sometime in the future.

Bonne chance, Zoi Zoi!

(Now playing: "Tu Peux Pas Savoir", Ria Bartok)

*There will absolutely be no Celine. For serious.

Monday, October 03, 2005

We Are Being Reduced

Wednesday is the big day. Excited but freaked.

I won't be doing much blogging for a little while. I'll be focusing on healing.

Wish me luck.

I've been waiting in line for this
Now that it's taken forever
I insist
Until I get it, I can't breathe
Climbing high upon the rocky cliffs
We fly
With surgical focus.

-Guided By Voices

(Now playing: "Hard To Handle", Otis Redding)

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Brought 'Em On Out

Mom? Dad? When I grow up, I want to be...a DJ.

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Before last night, I'd never DJed at a bar with an actual dancefloor. It was a great experience and sooooo much fun! Many thanks to Gedge & Bond for inviting me to guest DJ Bring 'Em On In.Thanks also to everyone who came out and who helped make it a particularly awesome night.

Here's a partial and only vaguely chronological setlist:

My Time - The Golden Dawn
Putty - Jenny & The Statesiders
Tu M'Oublies - Planetes
Picture Book - The Kinks
Un Poison Violent, C'est Ca L'Amour - Serge Gainsbourg
Epistle To Dippy - Donovan
Say I Am - Tommy James & The Shondells
Evening Gown - The Left Banke
Take Care - The Troys
Mini Minnie - The Young Ones
It's Your Mind - The Paupers
Last Nite - The New Colony Six
Wild Tiger Woman - The Move
Outside Chance - The Turtles
P'tites P'tites P'tites - Gauloises
Rouge Rouge - Christine Laume
Sur Une Nappe De Restaurant - Jacques Dutronc
Psycho - The Sonics
She Ain't No Use To Me - The Ugly Ducklings
Last Time - The Rolling Stones
Your Face Is In My Mind - The 14th Wray/The Orange Alabaster Mushroom (although this was my only non-'60s cheat of the night, it was met with rabid enthusiasm)
Girl - Les Lutins
Hey Sah-Lo-Ney - The Action
Merci, Herr Marquis - France Gall
Forget All About It - The Nazz

If you don't know many or any of these songs, please get your download on. (I will also happily swap mix CDs with any and all persons.)

(Now playing: "On M'a Toujours Dit", Annie Philippe...taken from "Girls in the Garage Vol. 10" - thanks, Miss Mimi!)